One of my close friends had a disastrous marriage. Due to his bitter experiences, he created an emotional barrier around him. He never allowed anybody to come close to him. This was his defense mechanism to protect himself from further pain and bitterness. He went into a shell in which he felt safe with his own emotions.
While such mechanism might have given him a short term solution to overcome his pains, such emotional barriers never allow a person to build a healthy emotional bonding with others. One finds it difficult to come out of one’s self imposed barrier and express oneself freely. Such persons find it tough to forget their painful experiences of past and move forward in life.
The design of our lives is such that we can’t abstain completely from emotional backlogs-heartbreaks, deaths, quarrels, misjudgments, confusions the list is never ending. But while it’s impossible to control these factors, it’s possible to build resilience within us so that we suffer a little less than in general. As they say-
Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
Yes we can choose not to suffer from our pains and here is how…
- Share with those who care
It is said that when a person is unhappy, he should share it with someone who is close to heart, because it is believed that sharing reduces the intensity of pain. it is not that easy for everybody to share their pain and sorrow. But trust me you can do it. If you are too shy to speak, you can write a journal and vent it out. Just like our joys, we share our pains with the universe too. That’s what makes us human.
Surprised? Yeah…our entire upbringing is built upon the base that “grown ups don’t cry”. But studies reveal that crying does help in relieving. That’s why Children are so good in moving on almost spontaneously. They cry. They get over the mess. And they head on for the next! You can cry in front of someone you are comfortable. You can cry alone. And you can cry with us if you want. Just don’t be too hard on your nerves. You are not a SuperMan. Neither a Wonder Woman. You are a soul-a beautiful soul who is sensitive enough to feel the pain. And you can vent it out if it overwhelms you. Keep the tissues around though!!
- Be flexible
There is a belief that one should have a tough mind when it comes to deal with pain. We relate toughness to strong and firm mind that will deal with adversity without breaking down emotionally. This is not the actual scenario. Often seen that a person with a tough mind might at times manages to handle the pain of adversity, but after a certain point not being able to bear the pressure of pain caused by adverse situations in life they tend to break down emotionally. its always better to be flexible rather than pretending to be tough to deal with adverse situations. Its ok if you are not at your best of energy levels. Instead of fighting with pain, when one surrenders to the pain deep inside, it actually increases the tolerance level. When you give yourself a flexibility to grieve or lament, it becomes much easier to deal with pain.
- Accept and let it go
Remember everything and everyone is temporary. Even us. This is the basic design with which nature has crafted the world and our lives. The sooner we accept this, the better we are equipped with mental resilience to deal with our loss. I think Pain makes us humble. It makes us understand that we are not all! There are millions of us who have their own set of issues, pains, heart aches and trying their best to overcome it. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of Pain. We are together in this. And we will sail buddy.
Remember our tragedies don’t define us. But how we deal with them does. A heartbroken lad carves the best music in town of his pain- the world called him a singer. A pianist lost his hearing ability and yet continued making music. The world knows him as greatest pianist ever. A young lawyer was thrown out of a first class train compartment in South Africa due to racism. World knows him as one of the greatest man ever walked on earth who taught the world the virtues of non violence. A lady was born blind, dumb and deaf. But nothing could stop her spirits in becoming a world-famous speaker and author. History of mankind, our current times, and even surroundings near us are full of amazing people who didn’t let their tragedies to define them.
And you, my dear friend, belong to that brilliant league of people!
Hang On! Don’t Give up! World awaits you. Go and conquer !!
As apparent from her name, "Jaya" has always had a victorious approach towards life. Optimism is her way of living life.
She loves to listen music during her leisure time. She firmly believes that failures are gateways to success.
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