The Muse’s Lament

Dear Muse,

There are alot of things I want to tell you but I will never. Not because, I don’t have the courage but because maybe I know you don’t want to hear about it, about me. I’m no one to you. Why does it matter if you’re my world, my moon. But, as always I won’t tell you this. As always I will look away whenever you feel my eyes on you. As always I will hide if I saw you coming my way. As always I will talk about you but not to you. As always I won’t be able to pronounce a word if you talk to me and as always I won’t mind you looking at me funnily thinking I’m weird. As always I will write you letters but won’t send them to you. As always I will say I love you to you but only in my dreams. As always I will love you but won’t make a move.

Sometimes I think I will die one day without you knowing I was alive once. Am I really that ugly that you don’t glance at me for once. It’s been so long and I loved you so hard that now it hurts really bad. Every night I pray to God to give you to me. Then, some night I think I’m being selfish because you deserve so much more than me, but I can’t help it my heart wants what it want, and it wants you, my love you and you only. It hurts me to think that you will never be mine but what hurts more is to know that soon it will all end. I will lose you without really having you. I will have to burn the pages from my book where I wrote about you. I have to tore every heart in which I wrote your name behind my notebook.

I should be sad right? Because I will lose you even when you are not mine. But that’s how it was supposed to happen teenage love might burn bright but does not last for life, and in our love story, if I can call it one, you didn’t even love me. It was just me. Even if I’m sad about it, I’m happy too that you won’t ever feel the soul crushing sadness I felt over you. You won’t cry over me. I’m happy you don’t know my name. I’m happy your eyes don’t bleed on paper and your hand don’t tremble when you write my name. But I still hope for you to love me. You can blame me for that.

~J. Prakash~

Author's bio: My name is Jahnavi, and I write under the pen name J.Prakash. I am a student and an aspiring writer and poet based in Delhi, India. Writing has always been my refuge—a way to express the unspoken, delve into the mysterious, and explore the depths of human emotions.

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