Mental Maze

I am in a hotel room. It’s a heritage hotel that screams royalty. I have the entire room to myself. It’s huge and intimidating. I have always felt uncomfortable in big rooms. They spook me with their emptiness. I have a hard time falling asleep. So, I turn on the lights and the TV to distract myself. I am lying down on the king sized bed but mentally checked out.

I am wondering what have I done to deserve this treatment. It’s raining outside. I jog my memory back. I am in my old house. It’s 2 am and the roofs are leaking. I take out the bucket from under my bed and keep it under the leaky spot. This time, it’s a new spot. I remember sealing the old ones before the monsoon season began. It was a ritual that me and my father would perform every year. That was the best we could do. I have a hard time falling asleep. The fear of another leaky spot scares me. There is no extra bucket to contain the leak. I pray for the rain to go away.

I don’t realise when I fall asleep.

My phone is ringing. I wake up. I have a meeting in 30 minutes. The car is waiting outside. I question myself again – What have I done to deserve this treatment? Isn’t it a natural progression of life? Does everyone not prosper? I look outside the car window. There are hawkers on the sidewalk selling their stuff. It reminds me of the chacha on the university campus road. I am strolling around when I see him sitting under the peepal tree and wiping his forehead with gamcha. He is tensely looking at every passer-by. I am standing at the red light waiting for the light to turn green. I can see he is anxious because nobody is stopping by. Seems like he hasn’t had a good day. He makes really good bhelpuri and sev-chaat. I walk upto his stall slowly. I ask him for a plate of sev-chaat and hand him a 500 rupees note. He doesn’t have change. He says he will get it from the other hawker nearby. I walk away. It breaks my heart to see people working so hard and still feel so helpless.

The meeting is over. I am unlocking my hotel room. I see a couple pass by. They seem deeply in love with each other. I wonder how different spaces have different meaning for different people. I am here for a work meeting. The same hotel room is a safe space for two lovers who wish to cherish each other’s company. It reminds me of my lover. It’s 12 am and we are slow dancing, tip-toeing in silence. The comfort of her presence is enough to ward off the spooky emptiness of the big room. I feel at ease. We lay down holding hands. I pray for the night to not end.

I don’t realise when I fall asleep.

~devileatsparatha~

Writer Introduction: The writer goes by the pen name "devileatsparatha". They write in the 'con-fiction' genre. They swear by the quote from Fyodor Dostoevsky, - "I say let the world go to hell, but I should always have my tea".